1. |
No Poetry
01:47
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no one's coming for you
so don't you even try
no one cares about you
so kiss your life good-bye
you don't know where you're going
you despise everywhere you've been
you're peeking from your pupa
an earthworm born again
the canyon in your cataracts
is growing day by day
i'm surprised your eyes haven't fallen out
the way you stare at me
you say you're changing daily
but where's that progress now??
you can't see the horizon when you're
face-down on the ground
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2. |
Runner's High
06:25
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i wrote this song for you three years ago
but i held back my tongue
i guess that i'm a different person now
what fragile monsters we become
my heart belongs inside my chest
yes, i know that now
i just needed to corral myself
i was the fastest gun around
i hope time did not change you
like it changed me, darling
i hope your mind has grown into a mighty oak
or a mushroom cloud
i know that you're my champion
so shoot an apple off my head
and pin it to the wall
like teacher did when i was ten
once, we did sit upon my bed together
and we talked about our fears
so many days have passed since then & yet
your voice still sleeps inside my ear
but don't think that i'm hung up on a memory!
(...although it might seem like i am)
i'm just overly enthusiastic
about seeing you again
i hope time did not change you
like it changed me, darling
i hope your streetlight
does still flicker in the rain
i know they say you can't go home again
but i pass my childhood house on the way to
work every day, and
isn't that the same thing?
isn't that the same thing?
maybe one day
out in the rain
i will find a place that's dry
but until then
i will depend
on cheap umbrellas, & runner's highs
and you can find me
and my selfish dreams
in bed with anyone who'll listen
night after day
to the same stupid play
about the pieces that i'm missing
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3. |
Gaslighting
03:33
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i'm dying to look at the facts
but one-half of my brain just can't relax (!!!)
can't tell everyone that i'm dry when i'm soaking
can't seem to convince anyone that i'm not joking
i can see what this is
you don't wanna believe in meaningless emptiness
i understand!!
- but most of us are all made up of nothing & covered in nothing & feasting on it, too
but if the space between
ever comes between
you & me
i'll set fire to this house & start again
i wanna move out of the state
give me a few days, maybe i'll come back
(to my senses, and realize that
home is a monument to being comfortable
in a world where time wounds all heels
when they stay still...)
and if the space between
ever comes between
you & me
i'll set fire...
and start again
[i dwelt too long in sorrow
waiting for tomorrow]
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4. |
Duckfoot Returns
03:36
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here's to me hopefully not fucking this up!
it's been a pretty long time since i've been romantic
and even when i was, i wasn't very good at it
at all
here's to fewer days of feeling like i'm falling
when i'm standing on solid ground
and even when i whisper it, it's deafeningly loud
to me
'cause she's so pretty
and i'm so shitty
one thing goes wrong
and i feel like quitting
my nose in the air
and my head in the sand
a bird in the bush
and nothing in my hands
the weather's so nice if you don't notice the storm clouds
gathering over my head
but it's not socially acceptable to talk about that
at all
and giving into cliché is my only escape
i'm too stoned to think of anything else
but repetition's something that i do very well
slowly
'cause you're so pretty
and i'm so shitty
one thing goes wrong
and i feel like quitting
my nose in the air
and my head in the sand
a bird in the bush
and nothing in my hand
and i feel a bee's wing's beating
in my brain, and it's scraping
on the backs of my eyes
pushing poison in my spine
but at least
i knew
it was coming!
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5. |
Helcaraxë
05:20
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i'm grinding on my teeth
to warm up my cold feet
they glide together
but these molecules never coincide
i changed my mind
but the doctor said
he bumped his head
and he's giving me his medicine instead
i was crawling on all fours
from my hell into yours
i'm a fan of efficiency
but i'm tied to someone else's memories
the bed lined with lethargy
the blackest cells collect so effortlessly
you used to show me how
to sail these seas, but
everything is different now
we are a clot in heaven's blood
too enraptured to knock on wood
i froze myself
so i could keep from crying
and when you disappear
it's the photographs i'll fear
a signifier
of all the pain i wanted to ignore
so say no more
and we'll stand here for eternity
this film is burning, burning, BURNING me
we are a clot in heaven's blood
too enraptured to knock on wood
i froze myself
so i could keep from crying
i broke the ice while you were
fighting with yourself
casting stones at angels
never helped...anyone
we are a clot in heaven's blood
too enraptured to knock on wood
i froze myself
so i could keep from crying
sparks flying, but i can reach the gate
as long as i've a purpose,
paradise can wait
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6. |
Ice Machine
03:01
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i felt ice
in between my teeth tonight
but i don't feel cold at all
it must not've been that detrimental
but at the time
i was out of my mind
and a demon grabbed hold
of my throat
i must have been a mess
too close with my coffee breath
but worried you would smell my sweat
and how it grew into a fume
of chemicals, that scratched on all of my windows
etchings in black, brown, & red
coming up from the bottom of the sea
it's a gaping hole to swallow you & me
and i wish that i had filled it when it was small...
icebergs in an ice machine
in a hotel lobby where i can hardly think
but you know i'll drink
(you know i'll drink!!)
once or twice
i was nothing but nice
and i did nothing but cry
but i believe a cold snap's on the way
i'll put the winter in its place and rise up...
...through the clouds...
...into my home???
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7. |
Nowhere, TN
04:09
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come back to me
with the smell of smoke upon your breath
like a kiss of death to me
what can it be?
you're too close to me to be the girl
who choked the scene at seventeen with no idea what it would mean
for the boys & girls who couldn't travel up the street
without wearing out their feet
you didn't know what time it was
all you knew was you were drunk
and he was out of place and secretly you felt that you were, too
what's a horse without the glue
that's bottled up inside of you?
bottled up inside of your heart?
you just want someone else to kick-start your life
'cause God knows you're not going to
God knows you're not going to
God knows you're not going to
you said you wanted out of this town
but this town's the only thing that's keeping you alive
and maybe that's not a contradiction, and if that's true
i feel so very bad for you
and i'm the only one who will
they put you on a pedestal, 'cause you're not another corporate schill
or another aging couple watching Law & Order: SVU
being you's a tall, tall order
standing still & moving too
like a fantasy too real to be the girl who shed a tear at just fourteen
when the boys & girls at school were just too mean
and you said you couldn't stay -
but there you were the very next day
to face the adults who beat the shit out of your dreams
and the boys & girls, just leaking hormones like a stream
and look at you...
and look at you...
the black hole at the center of the galaxy
the self-anointed hipster queen
gazing down her nose at me
blocking out those memories
she hit the ground running at a breakneck pace
like growing up was some kind of race
but you said you didn't wanna stay behind
well i guess that i understand, and i guess that makes you right
but was that a tear from a statue that i just saw on your cheek? well..
i guess that makes you Jesus Christ!!
your mother's home-cooked meals
washed away by cheap half-finished beers
and cheaper half-smoked cigarettes
and the exes that you can't forget
let's hope you never settle down
what a shame it would be not to have you around
the glue that holds the tenuous down
but if familiarity breeds contempt
this party is making me sick
and i'm sorry if i'm acting like a dick
but for God's sake you're twenty-two and look at you!
what do you see??
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8. |
Solomon & Circe
04:49
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you were broken in half
with your stomach distended
kicked in the face with a muddy steel toe
giving up everything you wanted
for a taste of control
and i hated it for you
balter back & forth
let our natures take their course
you've been taking too many hints
from the flowers in your soul
and you're searching
for something to make you whole
i came up to meet you
with novels on my tongue
but i spit out confetti, and that's when i knew you had won
so i bit back my weakness & tried to cover it up
how i hate being caught in a lie!
so, here!!
take all my money!! who needs it? who needs it?
i'll throw away all of my books
'cause who reads those sad heroes' tales anymore?
why should Ulysses darken my door?!
something remorseless in the way i talk to myself
prevents me from ever really needing the help
of a parent, or God, or what-have-you
but sometimes i wonder
who i'm s'posed to talk to...?
so, i pull on your string
and you say what i want to hear
but talking to myself
is my only real fear
oh, i wish that i'd left you wrapped up so neatly!
if we'd stayed upon each other's shelves
we'd never have to leave
so let me be the man
who bellows into the night
changing your name
to cure my stage fright
so let the water turn to wine
as the pearls become swine
'cause if my ship sinks here...i'll be all right
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9. |
Selfish Dreamz / Hiraeth
03:33
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could i carve this madness out of stone
weave a new heart out of flesh & bone
would it beat & bleed just like your own
or could it do anything different?
could i carve this madness out of stone
nose & chin so gently worn
a wanderlust in dust lost in time
a piercing plea i’ll always recognize
could i curve the sound into the light
would a third eye give me second sight
and what would i discover there?
‘cause i’m lost in all my selfish dreams
just wondering what it all could mean
but the worst part is, my eyes are so cloudy
i can’t appreciate the world around me
i want, i want, i want, i need
and everything i want is free
but it’s worthless, trite, junky, fleeting
like the cotton mouths that i’ve been feeding
great satan up and down my spine
i’ll drink your poison if you’ll drink mine
and as i rot, the light will pour out of me
every man’s an island, every man’s a sea
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10. |
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they say that i'm not too good at living
i say, "i think i'm doing just fine"
you say that i'm not too good at loving
i say, "i think you've never really seen me try"
but every day
every hour
distractions keep me far away
and every night
i get a little bit sour
just waiting for a change to come my way
so what if i'm a little incompleted?
there's no need to make an ocean of a lake
nobody ever said perfection was a good thing
and in fact, i think it adds unnecessary weight
but every way
i could tell you what i'm feeling
it's been said a thousand times before
but nobody waits
to become what they're stealing
so hold up the antenna one time more
sleeping your life away
giving up on today
one day falls into the next
my arms are wide with circumstance
but don't let me fall into the dark, okay?
don't let me fall into the dark, okay?
'cause i'm afraid
i'm afraid, but i'll never go away
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SOS 1995 Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Lyrical rock & roll from Murfreesboro, TN.
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